Articles of the Queen B Manifesta

I haven't written in this for a long time. Somehow my life felt fullfilled enough to do any writing, poetry, prose, journaling, etc. So I stopped. I realize now that was one of the most unhealthy decisions i made. So, here goes.

Her name was Alice Chahinian. She was 36, Armenian and one of the most amazing people i had ever met. She was one of those women who could light up a room the minute she opened the door. I have a profound belief and trust in the energy people exude, it speaks to me in ways undescribable, like somehow i am able to comprehend how beautiful their souls can be, or vice versa. This is my guiding light to building relationships. I dont have many deep relationships with people, but that light, that energy, those words help define and shed light on when my life is feeling empty and how my life could be fuller with this or that person in it. There was something about Alice that i couldn't turn away from. Something about her entire being that spoke to me in ways i knew would change my life.

Our friendship was very short lived. We had mostly begun to get close in the last few weeks. I was excited. I knew my roomates would fall in love with her at first sight and that perhaps, we could become long time friends. Tuesday night we were supposed to get together. I called her as soon as my class let out. I was exhausted and had a paper due the next day. So I rainchecked to Wednesday. Had i for once prioritized my friends, relationships and the beauty of life over fucking academics, perhaps the outcomes would have been different. Sometime within the ten minutes following our phone conversation, she experienced a fatal car accident. I thought she had stood me up the next evening. She hadn't.


What the fuck?!?!??!!!! I love you Alice. And I really miss you.
QUeenB



Long Beach Woman Killed in Accident

UNION-TRIBUNE

September 20, 2006

MIDWAY DISTRICT A Long Beach woman died last night when her Jeep overturned on the ramp from eastbound Interstate 8 to southbound Interstate 5, authorities said.

The woman's name was not released. She was 36, a California Highway Patrol official said.

The cause of the accident was under investigation.

CHP officials said the Jeep driver swerved off the ramp to the left about 7:15 p.m., then overcorrected to the right and flipped the vehicle on its left side. It came to rest where the ramps from eastbound and westbound I-8 converge to southbound I-5.

The driver was pinned to the ground by the Jeep's rollbar. She was declared dead at the scene, the CHP said. The ramps were closed for nearly three hours.

Pauline Repard
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/metro/20060920-9999-7m20briefs.html

I feel like I haven’t had time to breathe these days, let alone have time to think about blogging or submitting my thoughts on paper. After being straightforward with my professor about my reactions and personal experience with the nature of the Symposium on Social Justice in Las Cruces I attended last week, she suggested I begin documenting my emotions, mental processes, and truly attempt to recognize my voice and my role in the process of doing my Master’s work.

I am doing my research on the Femicide in Juarez, Mexico. Femicide is defined as the mass murder of women simply because they are women. In this case it has been the annihilation of women’s bodies, more than 450 over the last thirteen years and a prevailing impunity that continues to enable a culture of fear and violence in this region. It is important to note that the use of the word femicide here is an effort to make a clear distinction between a mere coincidence of killings and a gender-specific pattern of violence aimed at a particular contingency of women. A high percentage of the women found are often young, dark skinned and employees of the local maquiladoras along the border region. Many have emigrated from other parts of the country in search of a better life, a good job and a promising future. NAFTA removed most barriers to trade and investment among the United States, Canada, and Mexico. Since the agreement in 1993, Ciudad Juarez has become the city with the highest employment rate in the maquila industry in Mexico, with 211,020 jobs reported in November, 2004. According to AMAC (Association of Maquiladoras) report, out of the 79,273 jobs generated in 2004 by the maquila industry in Mexico, 18.31% were created in Ciudad Juarez (14,520 jobs) and 20,000 additional jobs are estimated to be created this year due to the expansion projects existing plants have and new investments to be made in the sector (stats from AMAC). So this sheds some light on what the city looks like in relationship to globalization, maquilas and the population of the city.

I think I can go on for pages and pages in describing other irregularities involving drug cartels, free trade, violence against women, capitalism, patriarchy and other institutions that enable the construction of a culture of fear and violence in this city… but I’d rather not.

The conference that I spoke of attending last week was the J. Paul Taylor Symposium in Violence against Women held at New Mexico State University Las Cruces. This year’s theme focused on the femicides in Juarez, Mexico. It was an emotional rollercoaster with empowering, frustrating, exhausting, disturbing and everything in between kind of feelings. What was particularly striking to me was my role as an academic observer immersed in the discourse stemming from three days of panel discussions, lunches, coffee, hotel rooms, etc. I have decided to analyze the three tiers of government in Mexico, their language and approaches to investigations, the death threats and other modes of intimidation some of the victim’s mothers have received over the years and the impact of patriarchy, globalization and capitalism as factors contributing to the social and political construction of a culture of fear among this traditionally silenced and marginalized community. What was stunning was that as a feminist researcher, observing the ins and outs of the symposium, it’s discourse, language and particular happenings, I began to feel and experience this culture of fear, this feeling of being along the border and witnessing the energy of this fear travel bi-nationally to the university I was sitting in, to the hotel room I slept in, to the food I ate and the dialogues I engaged in. I felt it like I had never before. Up until this moment, I had done extensive research and reading on the subject, performed and attended various events addressing the issue of the femicides, but until this moment, I had been displaced, and had not truly experienced this reality, the reality of this prevailing impunity, the reality of this culture of fear existing in this city, this third world country residing not thirty miles away from where I was. It fucked me up. It really fucked me up.

I came home and I realized that this culture of fear that I seek to analyze and interrogate, I was experiencing first hand at this conference, not thirty five miles from where two more bodies were found during those days. There is a theory that these bodies were placed there at that particular moment in attempt to send a message to the mothers who have become politically active on a number of levels in the fight for social justice for their daughters. Further, to launch a symposium with a few hundred people, many of them academics, intellectuals, film makers, press, activists, NGO’s, etc… I can easily see how this may have appeared as a threat. Nonetheless, I as a graduate student observing the happenings and discourse produced here, I felt the culture of violence hovering over me like a dark cloud. It spoke to me in my dreams, tied me up and entrapped me within the confines of my mental instability and confusion of knowledge it invaded my entire process, and it fucked me up.

In any case, the week after we arrived back in San Diego, we hosted a film screening featuring On the Edge, a documentary by film maker Steev Hise. We also featured Juarez Mothers Fight Femicide, a short documentary by film maker Zulma Aguiar. We had a brief discussion with about fifty or so attendees. It was great. People expressed interest in getting involved with the project of the femicides.

I will end this blog with an excerpt from an article published in the New Yorker in 1993 by a reporter named Alma Guillermoprieto recalling one of the first victims found:

“Among the first victims to be noticed in the crime pages of the local press was Alma Chavira Farel, whose death is still used as the marker of the official count. Her corpse was found in January of 1993 in an empty lot in a middle-class neighborhood--she had been raped, beaten, and strangled, the brief news story said--but there is to this day no explanation of why a young girl's violated body might have ended up in such a place. The following May, the body of another raped and strangled victim, name unknown, was found. She was discovered on the slopes of the Cerro Bola, a high hill with the words "Read the Bible" lettered on it. A third corpse appeared in June, stabbed and set on fire. Another anonymous victim, found on the banks of the Rio Grande, had been raped, impaled, and knifed to death; her head had been bashed in.”

Most recently, although recurring for years, patterns indicating a femicide have been documented on the southern border of Mexico and Guatemala, 427 in January alone in fact. So what is it about these borderlands that kills women?

It is critical that we become educated and involved in seeking international human rights and social justice for the faces of these women that have continued to be erased over time.

Resources:
http://www.mujeresdejuarez.org
http://www.amigosdemujeres.org
http://steev.hise.org/
http://political.detritus.net/juarez/
http://www.zulmaaguiar.com/
http://www.boston.com/news/world/articles/2006/03/30/unsolved_killings_terrorize_women_in_guatemala/

Last night we saw Angela Davis speak at the UCSD Price Center Ballroom. It was pretty amazing. One of the aspects of her talk that I really enoyed was that although she is a highly academic theorist, her roots are in the activism that grounded the context for her seeking this journey in the first place, and it was really manifested in the language she used to address the audience. She made important and inspiring arguments welcoming and accessbile to all audiences, which I find critical not only in the movement for social justice, but in the movement to build bridges across the theoretical and the activist minds.

I won't go too much into detail as both a debriefing and the audio of her speech are available for download. Visit us at http://www.radioactiveradio.org/archives.php to download the segment.

Radica Radio airs every other Wednesday night at 8:00pm. Tune in to www.radioActiveradio.org to listen and all that jazz.

Alright alright so a couple of weeks ago was our first experience back on the air with our new format, new vision, new style and new lovers.... syke. hehe. It's a work in progress... you know, this journey of independant media and all. And the ladies of Radica Radio are pretty fucking excited. So, what's happening tomorrow?

Angela Davis speaks live at UCSD tomorrow evening at the UCSD PRice Center Ballroom. The event is free and it starts at 6:00pm. Tune in to www.radioActiveradio.org tomorrow night at 8:00pm to hear a rebroadcast of her talk. It's going to be rad ass.

CAUTION:

Chances are the audio won't be that great, for reasons beyond what I can provide =). But we will be doing our best to bring you some of her words. So tune in tomorrow night, and if you aren't already planning on it, join us for the event. We'll be the crazy ones up front with Angela Davis stenciled t-shits and handbags... no im kidding, but we will be up front.

Info on Angela and the event:

ANGELA DAVIS
“Women and Social Justice Movements: Then, Now, Tomorrow”
Wednesday, March 1, 2006 at 6pm
Price Center Ballroom
Tickets Available at the Price Center Box Office

Angela Y. Davis is known internationally for her ongoing work to combat all forms of oppression in the U.S. and abroad. Over the years she has been active as a student, teacher, writer, scholar, and activist/organizer. She is a living witness to the historical struggles of the contemporary era. Professor Davis will be discussing women and social justice movements looking retrospectively at women’s involvement in struggles for justice as well as looking at the current state of feminist and other social justice struggles, with thoughts on the future of women’s work around social justice.

Free and open to the public. Ticket required for entry. Please visit the University Events Box Office to obtain your free ticket for this event. Please arrive early. Seating is not guaranteed.

Last night, my partner asked "So do you think you will start speaking and writing like that?" He asked this in response to some book on I was reading for class on feminist theory flooded with academic jargen that requires a third reading to begin to comprehend. I acknowledged that it had begun to happen already, with resistance. My Borderlands and Feminist Theory professor told us during a dialogue, "the very mere fact that you are sitting in this room distinguishes you from the world." I dont neccessarily feel comfortable in creating these hierarchies, as a passion of mine is seeking avenues and directions in the movement to break down these very hierarchies we ourselves are perpetuating. However, it is important to acknowledge your privilege at all times and recognize your standpoint and positioning in the midst of this world of chaos, especially if we aim to do MORE than sit in a room and study what feminists have been thoerizing on for years....

Aurora Levins-Morales seems to answer all of my questions, all of my concerns, my nervousness and anxiety, the fear of isolation i get in class settings sometimes, all of it. “As academic feminism drifts farther from its activist roots, as the elite gobbledygook of postmodern jargon makes it less and less acceptable to speak comprehensibly, I have more and more often found my trust in myself under assault." I haven't until recently, had language to define what my fear and anxiety consisted of. I couldn't define it. I read this and i thought... "fuck yea, that's me too!"

On academic intellectuals:
“When I call myself an organic intellectual, I mean that the ideas I carry with me were grown on soil I know, that I can tell you about the mineral balance, the weather, the labor involved in preparing them for use. The intellectual traditions I come from create theory out of shared lives instead of sending away for it. My thinking grew directly out of listening to my own discomforts, finding out who shared them, who validated them, and in exchanging stories about common experiences, finding patterns, systems, explanations of how and why things happened. This is the central process of consciousness raising, of collective testimonio. This is how homemade theory happens."

This is what I want to be hearing. This is what I strive for, what I live for. This is the validation I need, to know that I am not the only one who thinks this way, to know what mujeres who came before me built frameworks on which to create testimonio, to know that this theory exists within the chaos of Donna Haraway, Sandra Harding, Judith Butler, is to feel validated, to feel real, to fee community within the confines of this Academia. This is exciting.

Yes. Bring it.

With all this hoopla around the Vagina Monologues and Shakti Rising, V-DAY, The Center, Feminist Gender Studies, independant media and all that wonderfully radically sexual jazz, I felt compelled to share a poem. This piece placed me 2nd in the San Diego Poetry Slam once, or was it third? Anyway, it was a good experience.

So in honor of the Vagina Monologues, the V-DAY movement and the amazing women producing amazing testimony, here's mine. Hope folks take advantage of the amazing performances happening around the country. It's dissapointing more people aren't... as movements like these are imperitave to analyze, interpret and apply to us as people in the fight for social change.



Embrace

Embrace me.
Embrace me for the beautiful BUSTy bruja that I am!
Embrace me for the
radical bohemian thrift store stencil making goddess I am.
Embrace me for the radical fucking cheer leading poet that I am.

Because this is the New Girl Order.
We are the Generation XX.
We are the women who give a fuck about taking care of each other.
The third wave lesbian,
bisexual, queer, trans
ally
women of color and working class in the fight
who don’t need corporate careers
and a perfect “white picket fence” life
and a dirty buck to be satisfied.

We are the non-airbrushed women with stretch marks on our tits,
the 36C size wearing women who can embrace our cunts for what they are.
Not the perfect pretty pink shaved pussies
that we were and still are conditioned to think are normal.

We are the women so far beyond the fucking BABY BOOM
that today we talk about sex workers unions,
about open intimacy,
0pen marriages and our
multi-theoretical minds.

We are the brujas who take control of our lives and our bodies,
We don’t need men in our dreams to feel protected and normal,
We can fuck who we want to fuck and not
fear getting placed in a sexual identity box
Because we wear a size 12 pair of jeans and its fucking okay
to not look like the 5 percent of women in the world
we’re told to aspire to look like.

Embrace me for being the
bordertown bruja who grew up on panaderias,
butter topped elotes and in store jackings just to see if I got caught.

Embrace me because
I am that bruja who will wear a
hot pink wedding dress on MY big day
with a diamond dog collar around MY neck
and my Chuck Taylor’s
My father will not walk me down the aisle to
GIVE ME AWAY…
And I am not getting sworn in some by Jesus Freak
who on the frontlines of this battle
wears the red badge of courage
to take my privilege away.

I will be the one professing to my partner that
for the rest of my life
I expect to be treated with the equality I deserve,
that means making my fucking dinner,
washing my fucking laundry,
making ME CUM first for a change
And yes it’s a heterosexual relationship
and I know I would have made a great lesbian…
But I know this,
who gives a shit,
it’s my life,
my choice,
it’s my fuck.

So embrace me for the sexual radical that I am.
Embrace me the way my best girlfriend embraces me
Embrace us as the goddesses of the New Girl Order,
because we are who the fuck we want to be.
From Alice Paul to Angela Davis and mi Anzaldua,
we are the riot grrls of Generation XX,
the feministas artist slackers who love revolution, dildos and orgasms.
This is our MANIFESTA.
So embrace me.

Time in a stressful and complicated schedule has finally surfaced and allowed me to reflect on Radica Radio's first show back on the air in over two months. We spent over ten hours producing just about a 30 minute segment featuring the story of Shakti Rising and their production of the Vagina Monologues. It was no "his American Life," no "Mindwalk," no "Radio Insurgente." It was far from that actually. And although I am highly confident that as feminist researchers, reporters and media producers, this proccess will become smoother by the week, I felt disempowered and dissapointed to an extent. But before I go into proccessing this further let me outline the logistics of that day:

We spent most of Wednesday finishing the editing of our segment. We used Audacity, a free open software editing program that, despite our indy media anarchist efforts to encourage everyone to embrace, it has its serious flaws and limited features. I guess that's why it's free. We spent about an hour and a half trying to grab music off Pepperboxx's ipod and onto my laptop, which was a failure. We then attempted to locate my music in itunes, which had mysteriously dissapeared and when importing our song of choice (The Life, Mystic)it was two seconds of static. So after an overwhemling proccess, we downloaded some music from limewire and decided to go with Zap Mamma, which was in the end, a perfect choice. By the time we had that choice picked out though it was 6:15pm. Our show was to air at 8 and we werent finished. UGH! So it's literally 7:25pm and we are finally finished, transferring the segment to mp3 format. I dont have a cd burner on my laptop and the mp3 was too big to attach in my email so i sent the Audacity file to pepperbox for her to convert to mp3 and burn to cd. it didnt work. so we decided our only option would be to play the file directly from my laptop, into the mixer and on the air. THAT FAILED TWICE. FOr some reason you could hear the music but no the dialogue. It then became one of the most frustrating and depressing moments in Radica Radio history. SO then I went back into the house, plugged my laptop into the internet box (my wireless card is at my bro's house) and emailed it to myself from http://www.yousendit.com the best thing every invented. So then I downloaded it from the Main Computer in the studio and we aired it. By the time the segment aired it was 8:45pm. The segment itself has some missing componenets, like at times where music was suppose to be playing, there was nothing but silence. And it sounded very scratchy at times, which we think is a result from the use of the "amplify" tool on audacity. We're going to moderare our use of that for the future. So when the segment finished, we stuck around for a few minutes and then called it a night.

So why the feelings of dissapointment and disempowerment? Geez, perhaps its because i can let the pessimist take over the best in me sometimes. The entire reason why we took the winter break off was to immerse ourselves in the technology and language it takes to produce independant media. How are we suppose to empower marginalized women to take these resources and this media into their own hands if we cannot fully interpret and produce it ourselves? At the same time I am glad this experience happened, as it has made us stronger and prepapred for weeks to come. You can download our segment at http://www.radioactiveradio.org/archives.php.

Lesson Learned: 1) Audacity is kind of shitty 2) Just because we have a radio station parked in our drive way doesn't mean we can slack off until the last minute 3) SHIT HAPPENS, deal with it.

Shakti Rising presents The VAGINA MONOLOGUES tonight at the Gay & Lesbian Center in Hillcrest. Tickets are $15.00 and procceeds go to local organizations. The show starts at 7pm. Be there.

Radica Radio: Music and Feminism Never Rocked This Good, is finally, after a long awaited Winter Break, back on the air! Radica Radio is dedicated to providing a safe space in documenting the politics, action, testimonies and voices of local and regional women in the struggle to make this world a better place. We spent the winter accessing and re-defining who we are as feminists, as radio hosts, as reporters and as voices within the movement and are excited about the new season.

Join us as we embark on the journey of these stories. This Wednesday Radica Radio will be featuring SHAKTI RISING and their experience in producing the VAGINA MONOLOGUES for the very first time. Shakti Rising is a local organization providing a recovery program founded on education that assists young women, primarily ages 15-25, in overcoming addictions, abuses and disempowerment. The program encompasses the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of healing necessary for transformation.

Info on V-Day:
V-Day was born in 1998 as an outgrowth of Eve Ensler's Obie-Award winning play, "The Vagina Monologues." As Eve performed the piece in small towns and large cities all around the world, she saw and heard first hand the destructive personal, social, political and economic consequences violence against women has for many nations.

Hundreds of women told her their stories of rape, incest, domestic battery and genital mutilation. It was clear that something widespread and dramatic needed to be done to stop the violence. A group of women in New York joined Eve and founded V-Day . . . a catalyst, a movement, a performance.

V-Day’s mission is simple. It demands that the violence must end. It proclaims Valentine’s Day as V-Day until the violence stops. When all women live in safety, no longer fearing violence or the threat of violence, then V-Day will be known as Victory Over Violence Day.

TUNE IN THIS WEDNESDAY at www.radioActiveradio.org AS WE DOCUMENT THE STORIES OF SHAKTI RISING AND THEIR EXPERIENCE IN ENTERING THE REALM OF THE VAGINA! HAPPY V-DAY!

Shakti Rising will be performing the Vagina Monologues Friday February 17th, 2006 at the Gay & Lesbian Cnter in Hillcrest. Tickets are $15.00 and procceeds benefit local organizations.

Resources:
www.shaktirising.org
www.vday.org
www.thecentersd.org

Let's just add this to INSTALLATION I of our Poety for Survival Guide. These poems belong together and my bad for forgetting to include this one. I first read this poem in my U.S. Third World Feminism class in 2002. It changed my life.
Enjoy.



The Bridge Poem
Donna Kate Ruskin.


I've had enough
I'm sick of seeing and touching
Both sides of things
Sick of being the damn bridge for everybody

Nobody
Can talk to anybody
Without me

Right?

I explain my mother to my father my father to my little sister
My little sister to my brother my brother to the white feminists
The white feminists to the Black church folks the Black church folks
To the ex-hippies the ex-hippies to the Black separatists the
Black separatists to the artists the artists to the my friends' parents. .

Then I've got to explain myself

To everybody
I do more translating
Than the Gawdamn U.N.

Forget it
I'm sick of it

I'm sick of filling in your gaps

Sick of being your insurance against
The isolation of your self-imposed limitations
Sick of being the crazy at your holiday dinners
Sick of being the odd one at your Sunday Brunches
Sick of being the sole Black friend to 34 individual white people

Find another connection to the rest of the world
Find something else to make you legitimate
Find some other way to be political and hip
I will not be the bridge to your womanhood
Your manhood
Your human-ness

I'm sick of reminding you not to
Close off too tight for too long

I'm sick of mediating with your worst self
On behalf of your better selves

I am sick
Of having to remind you to breath
Before you suffocate
Your own fool self.
Forget it

Stretch or drown
Evolve or die

The bridge I must be
Is the Bridge to my own power
I must translate
My own fears
Mediate
My own weaknesses I must be the bridge to nowhere
But my true self
And then
I will be useful.

Betty Friedan, the historic and groundbreaking mover and shaker who helped kick start the second wave of feminism passed away today at the age of 85. She wrote the renown and now legendary book The Feminine Mystique.

Yes, I recognize and validate the work Betty Friedan did as one of the founders of the Second Wave, however it is critical to note that Betty Friedan and the second wave of feminism had it's flaws, particularly the flaw in essentializing the notion of "woman" and the assumption of universal woman's oppression. The problems facing, for example, millions of poor, working women, women of color, oppressive working conditions and low pay, instituionalized racism, etc were not even on the horizon of the Feminie Mystique, which dealt mostly with the problesm of white midle class housewives in search of liberation. In my point of view, Friedan was kind of like the mother of Liberal Feminism which = Cultural Feminism = Essentialism = BAD. =)

In her book From Margin to Center (and i know this because i literally read it two days ago =), bell hooks has this to say about Betty Friedan "...she did not discuss who would be called in to take care of the children and maintain the home if more women like herself were freed from their house labor and given equal access with white men to the professions. She did not speak of the needs of women without men, without children, without homes. She ignored the existence of all non-white women and poor white women. She did not tell readers whether it was more fulfilling to be a maid, a babysitter, a factory worker, a clerk, or a prostitute than to be a leisure-class housewife."

BUT IN ANY CASE, it is important to validate and honor the women who have come before us in the fight for a better world. We lost a warrior today, and at the age of 85... amazing. You can read more about her pretty much everywhere. Here is the news posting from the Feminist Daily Newswire.



Feminist Daily News Wire
February 4, 2006

Feminist Giant Betty Friedan Dies at 85

Betty Friedan, author of the groundbreaking book (The Feminine Mystique)that helped launch the contemporary women's movement, died today at the age of 85. “Not only did her book define the problem of the lesser status of women, but she also had the courage to launch a movement and an organization, the National Organization for Women, to change that status forever,” said Eleanor Smeal, president of the Feminist Majority Foundation and a former president of the National Organization for Women.

“Women of my generation owe Betty Friedan a great debt,” said Katherine Spillar, executive editor of Ms. magazine. “Had Friedan not defined the problem that had no name and helped start the National Organization for Women, opportunities in education, employment, and public life that my generation has enjoyed might not have been possible.”

“Betty Friedan was a giant for women’s rights and a leading catalyst of the 20th century whose work led to profound changes improving the status of women and women’s lives in the United States and throughout the world,” said Smeal. “She faced ridicule, scorn, anger, and personal denigration, but she never faltered in her advocacy for fundamental changes to improve the lives of women.”

“Like any icon or giant, Betty’s vision was limited by her time,” Spillar said. “One of her great shortcomings is that she was slow to endorse the fight for lesbian and gay rights as a part of the feminist movement. But she did finally vigorously endorse the movement for lesbian rights in 1978 at the International Women’s Year conference in Houston, Texas before an audience of 20,000 and an even greater worldwide audience.”

“The movement that Friedan’s energy sparked continues to grow, and is bigger today than she could ever have dreamed when she helped launch it in the 1960s,” said Smeal. “Many of the advances for women and girls that we all celebrate and enjoy would not have been possible without her determination and pioneering spirit to challenge the inequities when others dared not speak.”

“The feminist movement continues to change women’s lives today, as reflected on the pages of Ms. magazine,” said Spillar. Ms. magazine is encouraging all those whose lives were changed by Betty Friedan and the modern women’s movement to post their stories at MsMagazine.com.

I awoke this morning after four hours of sleep with an overwhelming feeling of empowerment, happiness and hope for this world. Maybe it was the fact that I spent the evening holding a close friend and realizing that love is something worth fighting for, or the fact that for the first time in a long time, I felt like my voice as a woman of color brought warmth to this place, whether it be to my partner, roommates, the academic setting I dwell in or in dialogue with my art and action, or maybe it was the fact that I awoke to the melodic sounds of hope coming from my immediate surroundings, or maybe it was the fact that I awoke this morning with clarity in my head about what it takes to survive, to rise, to empower, to grow, to live, to love, to laugh, etc.

Truth is I have felt these things before, but never with as much clarity as I did today. These days are far and few between for us living to make this world a better place, the challenge then becomes to prolong moments like these and internalize them as the only framework we must follow to truly interpret and change this world.

I have put together a series of poems that have kept me going over the years in the process of seeking my true identity, the “lost origins” of my facial features, the true essence of my being, the definition of my skin color, etc. And so I guess you can call this a survival guide of sorts, for us women of color, queer women, artists, poets, slackers, lovers, activists, hermanas, familia, young women and our overall sisterhood in the fight to define our identity.

It is critical to note that I am in no way approaching this fight with an essentialist perspective, as I know our standpoints differ on multi-dimensional and multi-theoretical levels, however this is a litany for survival for us U.S. Third World Feminists in this world, giving voice to a collective, a movement that wasn’t spoken for by the suffragists, by the “Women’s Liberation Movement” or beyond, a movement that has been silenced for far too long…

Let’s call this INSTALLMENT I, as this first posting is brief, and my hope is to continue to expand this list. Enjoy.


A LITANY FOR SURVIVAL
- Audre Lorde, The Black Unicorn

For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
futures
like bread in our children's mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours:
For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother's milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.
And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive


Wonder Woman
by Genny Lim

Sometimes I see reflections on bits of glass on sidewalks
I catch the glimmer of empty bottles floating out to sea
Sometimes I stretch my arms way above my head and wonder if
There are women along the Mekong doing the same
Sometimes I state longingly at women who I will never know
Generous, laughing women with wrinkled cheeks and white teeth
Dragging along chubby, rosy-cheeked babies on fat, wobbly legs
sometimes I state at Chinese grandmothers
Getting on the 30 Stockton with shipping bags
Japanese women tourists in European hats
Middle-aged mothers with laundry carts
Young wives holding hands with their husbands
lesbian women holding hands in coffee-houses
Smiling debutantes with bouquets of yellow daffodils
Silver-haired matrons with silver rhinestoned poodles
Painted prostitutes posing along MacArthur boulevard
Giddy teenage girls snapping gum in fast cars
Widows clutching bibles, crucifixes
I look at them and wonder if
They are a part of me
I look in their eyes and wonder if
They share my dreams
I wonder if the woman in mink is content
If the stockbroker's wife is afraid of growing old
If the professor's wife is an alcoholic
If the woman in prison is me
There are copper-tanned women in Hyannis port playing tennis
Women who eat with finger bowls
There are women in factories punching time clocks
Women tired every waking hour of the day
I wonder why there are women born with silver-spoons in their mouths
women who have never known a day of hunger
Women who have never changed their own bed linens
And I wonder why there are women who must work
Women who must clean other women's houses
Women who must shell shrimps for pennies a day
Women who must sew other women's clothes
Who must cook
Who must die
In childbirth
In dreams
Why must women stand divided?
Building the walls that tear them down?
Jill-of-all-trades
Lover, mother, housewife, friend, breadwinner
Heart and spade
A woman is a ritual
A house that must accommodate
A house that must endure
Generation after generation
Of wind and torment, of fire and rain
A house with echoing rooms
Closets with hidden cries
Walls with stretchmarks
Windows with eyes
Short, tall, skinny, fat
Pregnant, married, white, yellow, black, brown, red
Professional, working-class, aristocrat
Women cooking over coals in sampans
Women shining tiffany spoons in glass houses
Women stretching their arms way above the clouds
In Samarkand, in San Francisco
Along the Mekong


Still I Rise
- Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.


Borderlands
- Gloria Anzaldua

To live in the borderlands means you
are neither hispana india negra española
ni gabacha, eres mestiza, mulata, half-breed
caught in the crossfire between camps while carrying all five races
on your back
not knowing which side to turn to, run from;
To live in the Borderlands means knowing
that the indian in you, betrayed for 500 years,
is no longer speaking to you,
that mexicanas call you rajetas,
that denying the Anglo inside you
is as bad as having denied the Indian or Black;
Cuando vives en la frontera
people walk through you, wind steals your voice,
you're a burra, buey, scapegoat
forerunner of a new race,
half and half - both woman and man, neither-
a new gender;

To live in the Borderlands means to
put chile in the borscht
eat whole wheat tortillas
speak Tex-Mex with a Brooklyn accent;
be stopped by la migra at the border check points;
Living in the Borderlands mens you fight hard to
resist the gold elixer beckoning from the bottle,
the pull of the gun barrel,
the rope crushing the hollow of your throat;
In the Borderlands
you are the battleground
where enemies are kin to each other;
you are at home, a stranger,
the border disputes have been settled
the volley of shots have shattered the truce
you are wounded, lost in action
dead, fighting back;
To live in the Borderlands means
the mill with the razor white teeth wants to shred off
your olive-red skin, crush out the kernel, your heart
pound you pinch you roll you out
smelling like white bread but dead;
To survive in the Borderlands
you must live sin fronteras
be a crossroads


I Am A Woman
- Elena Velasquez

Your voice echoes down the street,
louder and stronger,
transforming
into your own person

you have become more than well acquainted with
your values.
What are they?
Show them to me. What colors do they paint as
your voice echoes, and
grows louder
as you grow stronger
throughout the years?

What does it say
now?
Where
does it end?
Nowhere. Never.

Don’t try to silence me. I will only scream louder
and harder,
pierce your ears with my voice
and remind you
of
who I am.

I am
a woman.
Not your slut.
Not your bended knee
whore. Not
the subservient one.
Not your victim, and
not your bitch,

but a woman. The one you respect.
The feminist. The goddess.
The challenge.

Not the one who submits
to your terms
without question.
Not
the fearful one.
Not
the powerless one.
Not the conquered one

but the one who will leave you
if you hit her.
The one who you love.
The one who
stands her ground.
The one you find an equal in.

The dynamic one.
The one who listens, while her mind speaks.
The sensitive one, and the one on top.
The one in control of herself.
The one who feels God in sex, and sweat.
The one who is always
there for you,
but also
always there
for herself.
That woman.
Me.

I am that woman. The one with choice.

The one with the heart
she will invite
you in,
if you know how to
walk in it right.
The one who will
let you have hers
if you deserve it,
and knows it is
always
subject to change
like life is
subject to movement.

That woman,
the woman who is
not afraid to die,
The woman who will
trust you like a child,
but end you
like a motherfucker.

The revolutionary. That
woman

secure one. The strong one.
The decisive one.
The one who knows what she wants.

not replaceable,
not a girl,
but
a woman

like me. Like this
kind of woman.

The woman
who will be treated
for everything
she’s worth.

And so I search myself,
vacuums and vacuums of
collected dust
to find a blank canvas
for you to paint on,
to find an uncorroded pathway
to my heart,
so that you can take it like a
tunnel with lights
and find me in my rawest form,
without
hardened corners,
jaded edges,
or cynical cells.

So I undress myself. I allow
layers to fly off.
I’ve learned from my old wounds.
I can withstand them.
I can survive.
I am,
and I will open myself
to you
so you can love me
like me,
like this
kind of woman.
Like a woman.
Me.

I have been debating whether or not to continue posting poetry on this blog. Granted all blogs are public, it's a notion i've embraced in publishing my rants on life, love, politics and feminism, however poetry is a peculiar thing, it's personal, political and most of the time, very testimonial.

I have recently made the decision to take on the identity of Chicana AGAIN. I had resisted to identify as a Chicana in response to past experiences I grappled with at UC Santa Barbara and the Chican@ movement. These experiences led to disempowering and disenchanted approaches to feminism and Chicanismo. At one point, i grew angry over the term, the indentity and the history behind it. In response to this anger, i took it out on my entire framework for building a better world. I lost the brothers and sisters who claimed to have my back through thick and thin, and i grew heart broken over the reality that my inspiration for this fight was the one hurting me most.

But it is the year 2006 now, and as a born again Chicana, I am now at a point in my life where i can recalim that identity with pride, power and hope for the future. As Chicanas we are in constant search of our "lost origins," the true essence of our beings, our sexualitites, our lost spirituality that curanderas from the afterfuture speak to us about in our dreams. As Chicanas we invest and are committed to exploring our racial and sexual experiences as US Third World Feminists through what a mentor once referred to as S.W.A.P.A. (Spoken Word Art Performance Activism). We use poetry, narative, essay, testimony and autobiography to evoke this need. We evoke our indegenous mothers and goddesses in attempts to seek identity. Gloria Anzaldua defines this as embracing the "Coatlique State." It's about recognizing our positionality within the social structures of a male dominated society and reclaiming it. I have been using poetry and performance as a medium for testimony for years, even throughout my on again off again activist in search of truth, etc etc type of journey.

So with that I will say that I am not entirely comfortable with posting poetry on this b-log but for the sake of coming to terms with my identity and position, i will push the boundaries of comfort in attempts to better explain who I am and my reasons in the fight for a better world.

What a better way than to publish the most recent words I have, words in their most vulnerable and naked state?

Here goes:

Untitled

I learned a lot of things from you.
Like how when my brother and I used to thumb wrestle during mass
It wasn’t just because I was young
Trapped in the language never broke down for me
But because I fell in love with sin.

Sin ignited a love affair with me
That stretched over ten years of orgasmic guilt
During a gap when sin and I weren’t speaking
It would visit me at night and bring me insomnia
With boil ridden convulsions
About the in town hook up type of love affair Jesus and I
Were having.

Sin called me a whore
Embodied in every step I took
On taco stands on every corner
Between every bite of butter topped elotes
Every drink of beer and bong hit I had in between
Investigative bible studies they called it.

Our elusive affair consumed me
stretched me to present day
Orgasms
That define my identity
With the reality that my entire being was meant
For so much more than Holy Communion
And stale dark confessionals
I longed to make out with him in
The confessional that haunted me as a child.

At twenty four my religion
Is stoic,
Shot out into oblivion
Shot out of my soul like a spare electron
Somewhere between the resentment of
Institutionalized straight jackets and the shakras of past lovers


And how is it that over coffee and a bike ride
your soul can speak to me with so much clarity
about the universe
the order of things
the path you choose to walk

I am hungry to meet a friend who has been shot out to oblivion like me.
To exist on multi-dimensional planes
Growing recipes for my continuum
Where I have never met God
But I have stood her up in public one too many times to be
Forgiven.

He gave up on me one day,
Finally.
I was tainted beyond imaginable by SIN.
Unaffected, desensitized
Defragged of the minutia of unexplainable thought processes
Into unforgivable happenings.
She left me there… bleeding.

And so how is it that over one dialogue and dinner
And the melodic wisdom of spearhead
your soul can speak to me with so much clarity
about the universe
the order of things
the path you choose to walk

tonight I seek the chingonas from my past
la llorona, la malinche, coatlique and tonantzin
in prayer and untimely meditations
to give me the life I need to read the chaos in…
With the shakras of my past lovers in search of clarity.

His Eritrean voice still makes love to me
The way the fire within your poetry can.
Because he taught me how to read between the lines in the novel of my life.

The novel of my life
Sits on fiction stands in book stores never visited.
They are fictitious testimonies not based on any true events
In dark cafes, nietczhe books
Cigarette smoke and
And breathtaking noir.

It’s never been an autobiography
Or a memoir
But the dime store kind of fiction
With erotic sequences thirteen year old girls feel guilty about stumbling upon
The kind of fiction you can dream about in high school math class
It’s appropriate that I only dream in black and white
The color palettes to my life
Have been closeted for years
Stabbing my inked pen with chemicals to drain the life from it’s tip
With the inability to read between the lines of passages in dark fiction novels
Telling my story.

Let’s talk about how you taught me how to read the
chaos between the lines in the novel about my life
I learned a lot of things from you
It’s what keeps the batteries in my biological clock from running out
Ive sent the manuscript out twenty seven times
Gabriel Garcia Marquez was rejected that many
His soul speaks to me sometimes
Kind of like the words of my poetry do when you read them
I think this one might be lucky.

Ahhhh Audre Lorde is unbelievably amazing. She has been a driving force behind my trajectory as a woman of color organizing for a better world.

In 1978 the now ever so famous originally published in a small pamphlet titled "The Erotic as Power" was distributed by Out & Out Press. In this she states "the erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling."

We must recognize that Audre Lorde describes and in a sense reclaims the term erotic in this essay. I will actually retract that term essay and call it poetry, as essentially, that is what this is. In proccessing this essay, I shared some of these thoughts with a friend, specifically the idea that coming to terms with the erotic in oneself as the recognition, the acknowledgement of that intense feeling that lies within the chaos of our (women) internal operating system, our beings. HIS reaction to this dialogue was "well, then why doesn't she just use a different term vs. redefining 'erotic'?" Of course this would be HIS reaction. This reaction my friends, is the basis for, the framework for, the foundation for reclaiming this term, or rahter, simply describing the TRUE definition of the word. The terminology surrounding the "erotic" has been raped and coopted by mainstream media, our historically and presently patriarchial society, by the embracing of the "pornographic," and when Audre Lorde describes pornography in opposition to the "erotic" she refers to pornography as merely the act of SEX, forcing sensation without feeling, without the erotic. Yet when we hear the term erotic, we are naturally inclined to associated it with sex.

The funny thing is, my immediate reaction to his reaction was to say.. "well of course she still emphasizes sensuality... etc" and of course later that evening, as i am obsessive about proccessing, i was like WTF!! How could I have even thought to respond this way? What was i thinking? I guess we are always learning in this life, always students, always proccessing.

One of Audre Lorde's last considerations and affirmations in the erotic serving as the strength behind asserting our identities is the power of sharing, or as I would like to interpret it, intimacy. This is what she says on this subject: "The erotic: To share the power of each other's feelings as we would use a kleenex. And when we look the other way from our experience, erotic or otherwise, we use rather than share the feelings of those others who participate in the experience with us. And use without consent of the used is abuse. In order to be utilized, our erotic feelings must be recognized. The need for sharing deep feeling is a human need."

This is perhaps one of the most life changing pieces I have ever read. Lorde is trully embodied by strength, fullness and power when immersed in the erotic and acceptance of it as an integral part of our identities as women.

Okay last quote: "Only now i find more and more woman-identified women brave enough to risk sharing the erotic's electrical charge without having to look away, and without distorting the enormously powerful and creative nature of that exchange. Recognizing the power of the erotic within our lives can give us the energy to pursue genuine change within our world..."

Why is this is so important? As radical feminists, as queer women, as women of color, and simply as women, we have been socialized to suppress the erotic, to deny the natural parts of our being that give us strength, to accept mainstream definitions of elements to our bodies and souls that have been perpetuated in a negative light. Only by reclaiming words, identities, values, etc such as the "erotic," or rather asserting it's true definition to people in our lives, only then can we as women move forward in this movement for a better world. It is what will give us energy as women, as a movement, as sisters, as erotic beings. That is so beautiful.

I tend to proccess externally, and in this case, i am proccessing with this blog. My politics and values as a radical feminist are fluid, just as sexuality, or mine rather, is fluid, just as our lives are fluid within every decision we make, i choose to live my life without preset buttons. With this i mean that as i proccess these things, dialogue is highly encouraged, and the idea of having coffee with someone who wants to proccess these things as much as I want to is amazing.

A bit on Audre Lorde:
http://maximum.lambda.net/lorde.html
http://www.uic.edu/depts/quic/history/audre_lorde.html

At one point in time my partner lived on the corner of 23rd and E Street in Golden Hill. Golden Hill is a fabulous neighborhood by the way. Every now and then we would walk up and down the streets, grab coffee from the Influx or Krakatoa. On the way back one time we walked down 23rd street and I saw a sign in one of the Arts Union Building's studios that said Women's History Reclamation Project. For me, a radical feminist, it was exciting to have a space like this around the corner. Some time later the sign had changed to Women's History Museum and Educational Center. I saw an ad placed in search for a Program Coordinator there and a few months later I had become their only paid staff, working part time.

The non-profit world is challenging. Is there really such thing as a part time job for a non-profit? Working with struggling organizations who have bled sweat and tears for the frameworks and foundation of their values on social change can often times be empowering, but equally overwhemling and draining. A few months had gone by and I found myself completely committed to this tiny organization in San Diego working to preserve women's voices in history.

As we move forward in life, we discover new passions, new directions and desires to push our own limits. Although this experience was tremendously rewarding, i felt unfulfilled with my structure, and I needed change, I needed to take care of myself. As i write this i know i run the risk of sounding extremely cheesy, perhaps with a running score of making the top three for greeting cards or astrological advice columns, but i felt compelled to share this story, as today is my last day here at the Women's History Museum (Grad School), and the values, mission and hunger that exists within the tiny walls of this place deserves a voice, a safe space, and in this case, a blog entry.

Taken from the Museum's Archives on the Founder Mary B. Maschal:

The Women's History Museum and Educational Center is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization founded in 1983 as the Women's History Reclamation Project. It was the life-long dream of its founder, Mary B. Maschal, and other women who realized that women were not valued, recognized or included in mainstream society and history. Mary B. Maschal spent a good part of her life collecting and preserving many historic artifacts that exemplify and document the life histories and achievements of many women, in both the United States and abroad.

For years, she created a living museum of women's history in her own home, filling virtually every room with historic documents, banners, posters, and books. Mary and others also reached out into the community, offering lectures on women's history to school children, professional and social organizations, and community groups. In 1995, at the behest of family and friends, Mary opened her home (WHRP headquarters) to the public and held an exhibition of her vast collection. The enthusiasm over Mary's collection, generated by the Open House, and the need in San Diego for a museum dedicated solely to women and their stories brought forth a renaissance of the Women's History Reclamation Project.

In 1996, the WHRP moved into the ART UNION Building in Golden Hill neighborhood of San Diego so that it could be open to the public on a permanent basis. In December of 2003 the WHRP changed its name to the Women's History Museum and Educational Center or WHM.

Since 1996 the WHM has grown into a full-fledged women's history museum and valuable educational resource. With the help of many volunteers, the WHM features a variety of changing exhibits and displays on women's history, a reference library with over 2,000 on women's history, lectures, film screenings, special events, an extensive suffrage collection, an antique clothing collection with pieces dating back to the 17th century and other jewels documenting the voices of women in history.

************

If you are ever in Golden Hill, stop in and say hello to the ladies at the Women's History Museum. Currently exisintg in a 1,000 SQ FT space, the Museum has high hopes and dreams about moving to Balboa Park or perhaps the new NTC Promedade set to open in 2007. At this point in time, what it needs most is community support and love from our friends and family.

The Museum is located at 2323 Broadway Street Suite 107, San Diego, Ca. 92102 P: 619.233.7963 E: info@whmec.org

Check them out at: http://www.whmec.org/

The San Diego Coalition for Peace and Justice are hosting a rally Jan. 31, on The Night of President Bush's State of the Union Address. The rally will be held in DOWNTOWN San Diego, Horton Plaza and begin at 4:30pm.

Incase it isn't already apparent, I am not jumping for joy at the sight that there will be yet another rally in protest of George W. Bush here in San Diego, across the nation and accross the world. Actually, i will refrain from including the world on this critique, as rallies, marches and protests have proven to be very effective in countries like Spain, Latin American countries and others.

I find it rather disconcerting that the San Diego Coalition for Peace and Justice would coordinate a rally to protest the State of the Union Address, yet action and mobility against the confirmation of Samuel Alito, with the exception of some, is bringing nothing but silence from the activist community. Once again we are looking at the division, the binaries that exist within the movement for social justice, regardless of what we would like to think, they are prevalent in every action, every decision, every event we organize. Why is it that we are organizing a rally against a Presidential address that will do nothing but inform the country of another year's fuck-ups rather than launch a campaign to combat the confirmation of Justice Nominee Samuel Alito or to join forces with the 100,000 women who marched in DC in the March for Women's Lives and change the strucutre of our rallies to double or triple in size, build a multi-colored face, a multi-sexual front, a multi-generational family?

BUT more importantly, why aren't we as a movement looking at our strategies for change, our inability to afffect policy and the world the way we would like it to, our overall failures as a movement to allow people like Bush and others to be elected, unjust wars to continue, unjust laws to take effect, etc. I recognize this dialogue has been had one too many times before, but having yet another inneffective rally in the streets to protest something as minute as the State of the Union is not aiding these dialogues, this hunger for a better world, this pain and suffering people globally are experiencing, but simply perpetuating the stereotypes that have been constructed onto our movement by the mainstream media about our lack of focus, strategy and effectiveness.

On a daily basis i choose to make media, make radical art, produce radical poetry, engage in radical dialogue with others, get a degree in hopes to give back to my family and community the way they did to me, build intimate relationships with people in hopes to deconstruct the ins and outs of my values, hopes and dreams for the world and this movement with others, empower people I never imagined could be empowered... I choose to do these things on a daily basis as a personal framework for affecting change. In no way am I attrempting to place myself or anyone else on a pedastel, but deconstruct the pedastels that already exist and merely look at the way our movement is structured; open a dialogue with others in hopes that as we move along throughout this world we can reach a point in our lives where our voices can feel powerful and we can truly feel like family.

I don't plan on attending the rally, unless anyone i've pissed off who cares about me enough will invest enough time and a home cooked meal to have a dilaogue with me over the critical nature of attending this rally... =)

on a lighter note, radioActive sanDiego will be fooling around in the station live during the State of the Union Address! Jake and Alalooyah will be up to no good, translating BUSH's words into plain english with what he is really talking about, or maybe they'll just be making farting noises and such. At some point they plan on covering some of the simultaneous marches and rallies happening nationwide also. Good times.

Those of you interested in participating in the March, the group will begin to rally Tuesday, Jan 31 at 4:30 PM at the Horton Plaza fountain at 4th & Broadway, downtown San Diego.

More info on the live coverage: http://www.radioactiveradio.org/
Event sponsored by WORLD CAN'T WAIT: http://www.worldcantwait.org
For more info on the San Diego rally: http://www.scpj.org

As I looked over the syllabus for my Chican@ Studies course on Borderlands and Feminist Theory I saw that the topic for week 7 was on Mexico's Femicides in Cuidad Juarez and Chihuaha. Underneath the topic headline was nothing. In explaining, my professor mentioned that the material is still up in the air, as not much has been documented on the femicides in Juarez. A book by Alicia Gaspar de Alba titled Desert Blood, a film entitled "Senorita Extraviada" and some various articles had been written, but in over a decade, not much has been documented, so how we would approach this issue is "up in the air."

It wasn't until recently that the mainstream media began to show interest in the femicides, as most denied it was a series of attacks but mere coincidences. However, how can over 400 deaths since 1993 and over 430 still missing not be seen as a series of attacks? All of the bodies found so far have been of women and young girls. In some cases parts of their bodies are extracted, nipples and other parts worn on the keychains of men in Juarez as tokens. Over 130 of the bodies found showed evidence of rape and torture. And yet the government has refused to get involved. Much like the government here in the United States, and even more so now as we face what could perhaps be seen as the most conservative Supreme Court in our history, the violence against women is only increasing, and we as women, as activists, academics, as a movement must act collectively in the struggle for social justice and to end the violence here and abroad, to end the femicides of women in Juarez and Chihuaha.

The following information was taken from the Amigos de La Mujeres de Juarez website, a non-profit organization dedicated to ending the crimes against women in Juarez y Chihuaha. Further resources can be found at the bottom of this post. I encourage everyone to read further on the femicides in Juarez and consider getting involved in the campaign to end these crimes.


From Amigos De La Mujeres De Juarez:

LIST OF WOMEN MURDERED IN 2005.

January - March, 2005

Case #1. January 2, 2005. A woman is beaten and dragged to a dumpster. It is calculated that her age is 28, and she was found yesterday morning in the Revolucion Mexicana Colonia and has yet to be identified. She suffered cranial trauma, resulting in a 10 cm crack in her skull. Her body was half nude from the waist down and she was found with pieces of stone in her head. A woman found her and made the call to the office. January 3, 2005. The victim dies in the middle of the night without being read her last rites. January 6, 2005. The victim is identified as Josefina Contreras Solis. She was mother to five children and was 38 years old. Her sister identifies her.

Case #2. January 21, 2005 (Friday). A skull is pulled from a recreational area. The rest of the remains are found in a paint barrel. Gender is thought to be female.

Case #3. January 25, 2005 (Tuesday). Another woman is killed. She is between 25 and 30 years old and was found murdered on the corner of Plomo and Privada de Ugarte streets, in Arroyo Colorado Colonia, at 5:30 yesterday morning. Official reports indicate that she suffered four stabbing injuries on her left side and that there were also indications of strangulation around her neck. Until yesterday, she hadn't been identified, with the exception that a man said her name was Edith Sosa and that she was known as Nelly and was the waitress of a local food establishment. She was apparently not murdered in this location, as there was no blood, nor were there noises heard during the night. January 26, 2005 (Wednesday). The woman is identified as Alejandra Medrano Chavarria; she is 25 years of age and the mother of three children—8, 6 and 4 years old. She lived in Francisco Villa Colonia.

Case #4. March 12, 2005. A minor is found, raped and strangled. She was a student at the local middle school and worked in a maquiladora. Her mother identified her as Coral Arrieta Medina, 17 years old.

Case #5. March 22, 2005. A woman's skeleton is found. The terrifying finding was made in the Loma Blanco, an area where many other women's bodies have also been found in the past.

Case #6. January 12, 2005. A woman was murdered by her partner. She was in the last stage of her pregnancy. An emergency Cesaerean section was performed and the child lives, but in critical condition. The woman's name was Claudia Guillen Hinojosa, and she was 28 years old. She was a mother of 2 children—a one year and six month old and a 14 year old. The man is known as Jesus “Chuy” and is a known drug dealer. The neighbors heard the beatings but did not inform the authorities. The individual killed Claudia in the presence of her two children. The baby was delivered a week before it was due and the pediatrician affirms that it is probable that the baby will suffer from brain damage.

Case #7. January 16, 2005. A teenage girl is murdered as a result of a bullet wound. The body is found in a room in her home. Her boyfriend is the only suspect. Maria Liliana Acosta Acosta was 19 years old. She died of a bullet wound to the chest and was found by an uncle. It is presumed that her boyfriend, known as “Lalo” is the murderer. The police has detained Carlos Herrera Bustos, 21 years old. He assures it was an accident, as he had gone to Liliana's house to commit suicide. When she tried to stop him, the firearm went off and Liliana fell dead. He fled in fear.

Case #8. February 9, 2005. Manuela Cano Luna, 50 years old. A bullet to the head, in front of various clients, murdered this owner of a local gym. Her assailant was a stranger who asked for the gym owner when he arrived. He shot her and left without being detained.

Case #9 March. 27. 19 years old Rocio Paola Marin Avila, was found in the black water canal. She was identified for her brother who was walking by this way. She disappears last Friday. She was mother of two children

Case #10 May 4, 2005: A 54-year-old woman identified as Tomasa Echeverria was killed by blows from a hammer.

Case #11. May 5, 2005: The body of a 20-year-old woman was found and identified as that of Maria Estrellan Cuevas Cuevas, mother of two small children. Her body was found between the streets Cromo and Ramon Aranda in the Colonia Aldama. The authorities confirmed that she had been raped and was killed by various wounds to her body, including gunshot wounds.

Case #12. May 16, 2005: The body of 7-year-old Airis Estrella Enriquez was found, after her disappearance on May 2. They found her in a drum filled with cement, at Kilometer 30 on the Highway to Casas Grandes. Under media pressure, the FBI was asked to investigate.

Case #13. May 24, 2005: A 47-year-old woman Martha Alicia Meraz was walking on Selenio Street, when she was caught in crossfire and killed.

Case #14. May 24, 2005: A 19-year-old mother of two, Verónica Berenice Gomez Amesquita, was found beaten and strangled to death inside her house. Her boyfriend was suspected. On June 2, 22-year-old Roberto Orquiz Reyes was detained. He confessed to the crime, saying that she had cheated on him, and> if he could do it over again, he would kill her again. He laughed and said he had no remorse.

Case #15. July 26, 2005: Olga Brisia Acosta Diaz, a 36-year-old mother of three, was killed by a sharp> weapon. On July 27 two men were detained in relation to this crime.

Case #16. July 26, 2005: Dalia Noemí Diaz Montezuma, a 16-year-old girl, was shot in the face. Her husband, who was walking with her at the time, received a wound in the buttocks. On July 27, a young woman and her partner were detained as the presumed assassins.

Undated

Case #17. The body of 10-year-old Anay Orozco Lerma was found by firemen putting out a fire. Later the authorities confirmed that the fire was deliberately > set and the girl was raped. After 14 hours, the case was closed when a family member, Antonio Ibáñez, confessed to the crime.

Case #18. The body of Reyna Perez Castillo, 55-years-old, was found wrapped inside a bag, in a sewer to the side of a house in Sauzal where a large shipment of drugs was discovered.

Case #19. Patricia Montelongo de la O, 33 years old, was found behind a house on the streets Eje Juan Gabriel and Miñaca. She was wrapped in a blanket and had suffered 23 gunshot wounds. 33-year-old Patricia Montelongo de la O was found on the back porch of a home on the corner of Eje Juan Gabriel and Minaca Streets.

Case #20. A six-year-old girl known as Lesdy was found dead from beatings. Her stepmother, Mariana Ramirez Cruz, was detained. The father was absent.

Case # - November, 9, 2005. The body of a woman was found in a vacant lot. The body, which was found near the airport, was dressed in white pants, a blue blouse and a cap with the Lear factory logo. The woman was between 35 and 38 years old and died recently. The body was identified as 35 year old MARTHA ESTHER VALERO. She was the mother of 3 girls. Her husband, Claudio Garcia Rodrigues was detained. He confessed that he planned the murder of his wife because she wanted to leave him. He met his wife at the maquil (factory) and began to beat her and then strangled her with a cable.

Case # -– November 12, 2005 – A baby was found murdered. The baby was partially buried near Lote Bravo (an area where many bodies have been found). She was identified as INGRID DAYANA . Her father reported that she was kidnapped by several people. The baby was found buried with one hand sticking out of the ground. On October 12 th , the 20 year old father, Daniel Jimenez Castan was detained and accused of rape and homicide. The baby's cause of death was cranio-facial (?) trauma, possible rib fractures, new and old bruises and lesions and also tearing or the rectum. Maria Elizabeth Gallegos, the 17 year old mother of the victim, was charged with neglect.

Recent Coverage from El Paso Times: http://www.borderlandnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060117/NEWS/601170322

Resources:
http://www.amigosdemujeres.org/
http://mexicosolidarity.org/
http://www.amnestyinternationalsd.org/
http://www.casa-amiga.org/
http://www.geocities.com/jpnh123/index.htm
http://www.cmdpdh.org/

On April 25th, 2004 over 100,000 women gathered in Wahsington DC for the "March for Women's Lives." This was one of the biggest rallies this country has experienced in recent decades, making history nationwide in the fight to demand political and social justice for women regardless of race, class, sex, ability. However, if you ask anyone today, unless they were directly invovled, the average person wouldn't be able to tell you when it was or what the issues were.

This past Saturday up to 150,000 women in Italy marched in Milan with the demand to uphold reprodutive freedom laws. With the movement to reverse a 1978 law that made abortion legal and an overall historic movement by the religious right, women have decided to fight back.

Here at home we are facing the induction of a new Supreme Court Justice whose judicial philosophy would turn back women's rights and reverse the progress the women's movement has made over the years. Former member of Concerned Alumni for Princeton (CAP), Alito also fought against the recrutiing of not only women, but people of color and low income students for Princeton.

So where are the 100,000 women who marched in DC in 2004? The vote to confirm Samuel Alito is just one week away and where are your brothers and sisters in this fight?

As feminists, activists, artists who live their lives in attempt to build the framework for a better world, we are entitled to get dissapointed every once in a while. I woke up this morning with a cloud of gloom hovering over me, regardless of how sunny it was outside, as never before has my voice felt so unheard and meaningless in this fight.


Here is the story on Alito's connection to CAP:
http://www.thenation.com/doc/20051212/press

Here is the story on the march in Milan:

Feminist Daily News Wire
January 17, 2006

Between 60,000 and 150,000 Italian women marched in Milan on Saturday, demanding that the Italian government maintain its liberal abortion laws. The women accused the government of working with the Vatican in an attempt to reverse a 1978 law that makes abortion legal in Italy during the first trimester, according to the International Herald Tribune.

Pope Benedict XVI met with Italian politicians last week, reiterating his opposition to RU 486 (the abortion pill) and same-sex unions. RU 486 has recently become available in Italy on an experimental basis, and the Italian Bishops Conference has launched a campaign against the pill, according to the Associated Press.

In Rome on Saturday, some 1,000 people held a demonstration in support of same-sex unions. A recent survey conducted by the Italian research institute Eurispes found that 69 percent of Italian Catholics favor legal status for same-sex couples, according to ANSA, an Italian news service.


Resources:
www.feminist.org
www.plannedparenthood.org
www.naral.org

E-Dawg and I planned a short road trip over the weekend to LA and Santa Barbara. In planning for the trip I noticed that Blackalicious would be performing live January 6th, 2006 at the Terrace Restaurant in Pasadena. Blackalicious had been a catalyst for me, much like the foundation, the soil laid down for the seed of socially conscious hip hop to grow within me.

I hadn’t been to a hip hop show in years. I wanted to, but never got around to it, or perhaps, I kept telling myself that I was busy. My experience with hip hop, concerts booking in Santa Barbara, meeting artists in the process, and witnessing the downfall of the Black Eyed Peas, grew disappointing, resulting in distracting me from the revolution of the lyrics.

BUT THIS IS 2006, I said, a new year. I had recently begun to listen to Mystic again, Goapele and other amazing female artists. We decided to go. On the drive up we listened to Deltron 3030, an old favorite, Blackalicious’ newest album The Craft and others. Natalie had given me an autographed copy of The Craft a few months ago. Time is listented to it: 1. I can’t tell you why, it just happened that way. So on the drive, I listened to every word of The Craft again, and I fell in love. I fell in love with Blackalicious again.

We got there in the middle of a local Emcee’s set. In the middle of assessing my opinion about his talent, he said the word “faggot” in his lyrics. STRIKE I. It was reminiscent of the disappointing elements of hip hop culture I had experienced before. We decided to smoke and wait for Scarub of the Living Legends to come on. We jammed to Scarub’s set for a while, then Strike II: “Mean girls spit, nice girls swallow.” This wasn’t the only thing he said about women throughout his set, but to me, the most prominent. The crowd roared in laughter and whistles.

Queen B: “Hey Natalie, wanna go out and smoke some more?”
Nat: “Yea dood, seriously.”

I consciously decided to choose Blackalicious as my first hip hop show to go to in years, because I was aware and in love with the positive nature of their lyrics. After a long anticipated and frustrating wait, Blackalicious took the stage. For the next hour and a half I felt like the seeds I had stopped from growing and denying water to were sprouting in a rapid rate, giving birth to lyrics and images of beauty I had known all along but had forgotten about and disguised with all my anger and frustration. The Gift of Gab, perhaps one of the most talented Emcee/poet I have ever experienced, truly embodies the essence of what socially conscious hip hop should look like, feel like and sound like. A few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting The Gab, he was just as humble as he was on stage, and in their lyrics. The show last Friday was a life altering experience and felt like a re-birthing of hip hop within me. And it felt good, so fucking good.

LYRICS from the song “Purest Love” off the album Blazing Arrow:
The two realest cats I know? My two older brothers
The most beautiful woman in the galaxy? My mother
The strongest black women raising kids alone? My sisters
The best part of my future is my present love interest
The most important time? Right now and ever after
The greatest expression is love, happiness, and laughter
See life is a book and this song is just another chapter
I'll stay down to earth and real if you speak I'll speak back
I'm not a preacher or a scholar I'm merely just a rapper
I probably don't fit in to the current state of what you consider that to be-
So you ask how can I rap
if I ain't thugged out, pimpin, flossin my ice, packin a gat
Man if this is what I got, I want dough I can't lie
But never sell my soul 'n front inside mainstream's eyes
The purest love is how I'm driven, sent, and reach for my goals
If nothing else I'll leave the world some songs that speak from the soul

I felt compelled to share this story as a feminist of color who has often struggled with the denial behind recognizing the patriarchy that surrounds our society, including culture, class, relationships and ESPECIALLY music. I grew angry that the FCC banned Sarah Jones’ “Your Revolution” from airplay while embracing Eminem’s lyrics of hate. I grew angry at Dead Prez for not recognizing their homophobia, patriarchy and machismo. I grew angry at the Black Eyes Peas in 2003 for canceling on our show in Santa Barbara one month before the event for a fucking photo shoot, only to sell out. I grew angry with Ozomatli for compromising their values and beats for mainstream appeal. I got angry at De La Soul for being snobs when we met. I grew angry at the status of women in local Emcee’s lyrics, at shows and in the culture in general. This is just a fragment of elements I saw in hip hop that were compromising my values and beliefs as a radical feminist of color.

In the process of becoming so angry at the music and culture, I equally neglected to see the beauty and revolutionary role the socially conscious hip hop movement played on communities of color and traditionally marginalized peoples. I became so wrapped up in only looking at the negativity of hip hop and not at it the revolution of it. It had been a few years of not embracing hip hop the way I had and not presenting my soul and entire beings within that environment. Until last Friday. In the midst reverting back to old frustrations, I was blown out of the water by Blackalicious, AGAIN.

I thinks it is critical to note that we in the movement for social change, whether we are on the streets, in the academic setting, making media or behind the mic in music, it absolutely necessary to constantly be checking ourselves as marginalized people in the potential marginalizing we can be engaging in. There are a lot of flaws in hip hop, as in so many other movements. And until we can truly recognize that this fight is a fight on all fronts, we won’t effectively make change. At the same time we need to recognize the unjust attempts to strip hip hop of its values and the occupation of our spaces in the process; protecting hip hop in the fight for its integrity and authenticity is an equal fight.

I recognize that I am being very simple in my process, and this is a good thing. I think the integrity of certain movements can be hindered by theory and dialogue. It’s critical to live in the present when recognizing this. Hip hop can be utilized as a weapon for change, as a catalyst for youth resistance. With that I will say that there is a lot of hip hop out there making change by ways of empowering and inspiring other artists, musicians and activists alike about the beauty of revolution. Listen to more socially conscious hip hop. Hit me back with recommendations of music to pick up for my radio show, especially women hip hop artists, go to shows, support the movement, participate, make change, make revolution.

There are many independent radio stations and alternative media outlets who are striving to make this fact known to the masses. I recommend you all tune in to www.radioActiveradio.org Thursday nights from 6-7pm for DJ Lotus’s International Conscious Hip Hop show and Monday evenings for Neshani’s Hip Hop and Soul show. Pick up the new Blackalicious album The Craft, or any of their albums for that matter...

Resources:
www.blackalicious.com
http://hiphoprevolucion.org
www.radioActiveradio.org

On January 5th, CODEPINK launched a new campaign called "Women Say No to War" in efforts to bring together women together from all over the world and across the nation including hundreds of activists, organizing, mothers, daughters, sisters, etc. The vision behind this campaign is is to tell our leaders - and the world - that the 51% of women that make up this world have had enough of this unjust war in Iraq. Code Pink is a great organization. They have worked hard over the last few years, at the forefront of the anti-war movement. Last year on March 19th, the 2 year anniversary of the invasion in Iraq, they marched for days from Oceanside down to Balboa Park to meet up with the Marchers from the South Bay and Central San Diego.

They are calling on March 8th, International Women's Day, as a day of action, the day to deliver signatures, letters, phone calls, events, film screenings, and other direct actions.

You can visits www.womensaynotowar.org to read more about the campaign, sign the "Call for Peace" and find out how to get more involved.


Women's Call for Peace: An Urgent Appeal

We, the women of the United States, Iraq and women worldwide, have had enough of the senseless war in Iraq and the cruel attacks on civilians around the world. We've buried too many of our loved ones. We've seen too many lives crippled forever by physical and mental wounds. We've watched in horror as our precious resources are poured into war while our families' basic needs of food, shelter, education and healthcare go unmet. We've had enough of living in constant fear of violence and seeing the growing cancer of hatred and intolerance seep into our homes and communities.

This is not the world we want for ourselves or our children. With fire in our bellies and love in our hearts, we women are rising up - across borders - to unite and demand an end to the bloodshed and the destruction.

We have seen how the foreign occupation of Iraq has fueled an armed movement against it, perpetuating an endless cycle of violence. We are convinced that it is time to shift from a military model to a conflict-resolution model that includes the following elements:

- The withdrawal of all foreign troops and foreign fighters from Iraq;
Negotiations to reincorporate disenfranchised Iraqis into all aspects of Iraqi society;

- The full representation of women in the peacemaking process and a commitment to women's full equality in the post-war Iraq;

- A commitment to discard plans for any foreign bases in Iraq;

- Iraqi control of its oil and other resources;

- The nullification of privatization and deregulation laws imposed under occupation, allowing Iraqis to shape the trajectory of the post-war economy;
A massive reconstruction effort that prioritizes Iraqi contractors, and draws upon financial resources of the countries responsible for the invasion and occupation of Iraq;

- Consideration of a temporary international peacekeeping force that is truly multilateral and is not composed of any troops from countries that participated in the occupation.

To move this peace process forward, we are creating a massive movement of women - crossing generations, races, ethnicities, religions, borders and political persuasions. Together, we will pressure our governments, the United Nations, the Arab League, Nobel Peace Prize winners, religious leaders and others in the international community to step forward to help negotiate a political settlement. And in this era of divisive fundamentalisms, we call upon world leaders to join us in spreading the fundamental values of love for the human family and for our precious planet.

More information on this event and Supreme Court Justice Nominee can be found at the Feminist Majority FOundation website at www.feminist.org

January 4th, 2006
Students from 35 States Come to Washington, DC to Stop Alito
Feminist Majority Foundation Announces Freedom Winter '06

WASHINGTON, DC - Today the Feminist Majority Foundation, with the National Organization for Women and the National Congress of Black Women, announced Freedom Winter '06, part of a joint national campaign to block the confirmation of Samuel Alito because of the serious threat he poses to the future of women's rights and civil rights.

"Make no mistake about it: Alito is no Sandra Day O'Connor," said Eleanor Smeal, president of the Feminist Majority Foundation (FMF). "As the pioneering woman on the Supreme Court, Justice O'Conner voted to preserve many of the most significant legal protections for women. She has been the fifth vote to preserve affirmative action and the right to abortion. The appointment of a reactionary judge like Samuel Alito to O'Connor's seat will shift the balance of the Court to the detriment of women's rights and civil rights. It could reverse decades of progress for women."

In the spirit of Freedom Summer 1964, when thousands of students from across the country traveled to Mississippi and other Southern states to register and mobilize African American voters in unprecedented numbers, Freedom Winter '06 is mobilizing students to save women's rights and civil rights.

"Freedom Winter '06 will spread the word to people across the country who care about women's rights and civil rights, especially young people, that if Alito is confirmed, we could lose fundamental women's rights and civil rights protections," said Crystal Lander, FMF Campus Program Director. "If Alito is confirmed, women could face a future without access to legal abortion, and a future without important workplace discrimination protection."

"Young people are coming to Washington, DC from colleges and universities in 35 states, giving up their winter vacations to help block Alito's confirmation because they don't want to lose rights necessary for modern life," said Smeal.

Alito is on the record stating that the Constitution does not protect the right to abortion and helped craft the legal strategy designed to first chip away and then overturn Roe v. Wade. Alito's record as a judge makes clear that if confirmed he will vote to limit or erode important federal laws that protect women at work, and that he would make it more difficult to obtain jury trials in sex discrimination and race discrimination cases under Title VII.

"Young women are committed to defeating Alito because we have the most to lose if he is confirmed - Alito's confirmation could delay progress for women and roll back the clock on women's rights for generations to come," said Lander.

Resources:
www.feminist.org
www.naral.org
www.plannedparenthood.org
www.moveon.org